Bersungguh cinta 1 – Matinya hati

Tatkala aku membaca naskah dan menonton ribuan karya cinta dan perasaan, sungguhku tak terbayangkan dan tak tepercayakan sehingga pada saat itu bahawa keluarga kau sendiri mampu menerajang dan memuntahkan sisa nista keparat yang menjijikkan sehingga matinya hatimu sendiri kepada rasa percaya, kebergantungan, dan rasa cinta. Memang gila dan rasa tiada dalam hati takkan padam walau berkurun lamanya. Aku masih lagi mengalirkan air mata apabila mengenangkan itu. Air mata yang takkan pernah akan kering dengan pura-pura memujuk hati. Aku bencikan mereka selama-lamanya. Aku bencikan manusia selama-lamanya juga. Aku hanya ada Tuhan untuk aku mengadu. Aku hanya ada diri sendiri. Aku hanya ada air mata yang takkan berhenti mengalir. Aku tak perlukan kisah Laila Majnun ataupun Romeo and Juliet untuk membuatkan aku rasa terbeban menjadi manusia yang ada hati. Aku sendiri yang patut membunuh rasa aku sendiri. Aku yang patut membunuh hati sendiri. Yang penting, aku perlu teruskan hidup aku, walaupun membuang hati yang dipijak sesuka hati pada sebelumnya.

Aku akan selamatkan hati orang lain dan cinta yang ada. Dunia tidak perlukan lagi ramai yang tiada hati. Atau hati yang mati. Aku tiada hati untuk manusia. Cuma aku tidak mahu lagi ramai yang menderita atau gila. Biarlah mereka memulakan hidup menjadi lebih bahagia. Ini sahajalah yang mampu aku lakukan untuk menebus kesilapan aku kepada diri sendiri. Kepada hatiku yang telah mati.

100 days of a loner’s poetry #day1 – Nothing wrong

Little Heart of Princess #25 – Home

“Welcome back, Your Highness.” Princess Alionora heard this greeting everywhere inside castle. Well, regardless formality or sincerity, she didn’t bother a bit at all. She spent most times at library or walking around castle by herself, without any accompany as her request. For weeks after revelation by Ira, she spent no time to meet and converse with her parents, even after a long time of their separation. King and Queen could not bother with her. They knew their child very well. Prince Ouranos too, exactly because he’s main reason for her behavior.

Ira met Princess Alionora right after she left library. She looked at Ira as he knelt down without any expression. Ira started his intention. “Your Highness, may I inquire your explanation about your silence since your arrival, here?” You gave everyone grim vibe.”

Princess felt sharp throb with his question. She walked away after replied softly and slowly. “What should I do, when I don’t feel like home at all.”

Little Heart of Princess #24 – Changed standings

“You’re not pledged, Moira? Nonsense!” Leo’s shouting at Ira. “It’s nonsense, an aristos didn’t enter any pledge ceremony yet. Any pledged aristocrats, with their own comfortable position and responsibility will take any chance to raise up their ranks to become more powerful and rich. And you’re not a pledged one, yet?” Ira looked at Leo’s disbelief and angry face. “I knew that you won’t trust me right away, that’s why I didn’t force myself to explain everything to you. Actually, if Ouranos didn’t tell you everything, you won’t have to worry about everything at all.”

Leo became calm after she listened that. Confusing, stupid, retaliating, crazy, displeased, cheated, and many more feelings were mixed up altogether. “Your Highness, I won’t further my explanation. You’ll become more disbelieve with my story. You’ll learn more after this. Our standings have changed, Your Highness. After all, I’ve failed on my mission, right now.” Leo frown. She didn’t have any idea with what Ira’s meant at the end, until …

Ira’s immediately stand up from his seat and walked into main door. “Your Highness, I believed that this person is more suitable to explain everything to you, Your Highness, everything about our current situation. My role has finished here. Forgive me for my insolence, Your Highness.” Then, he invited an elder into their house. They walked in front of Leo,  knelt down, and bowed their head. She knew him before. “Head attendant, Mister Varmajn?”

Little Heart of Princess #23 – Unpledged

Once again, Ira or should be aware as Moira, were having discussion with his accompany, or officially a forced enslaved princess from her own father, a king, Alionora or known as Leo, after they cleared up their awkward feelings, due to Ouranos’s exposure about Ira’s status. They’re currently in their own house after a long and exhausted trip. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Especially to Leo. And Ira has become aware with her situation. She got a shocking reunion and another sudden revelation during this trip. “And no turning back, or start anew this time,” Ira kept his thought for himself.

“So, what will happen with us, right now? Before this, when I want to discuss about our situation, you said that we should resume our journey and rest properly,” Leo expressed her opinion, then she continued. “Before that, I want to know some truths from yourself. Am I still the one you have fall in love, or not? Your letter content was fake or not? Secondly, you’re a Moira, right? I knew some clauses from our constitution, I meant, royalty’s constitution about Moira and us, Alionora and Ouranos, as your ancestors’ pledged before. I am not …”

“You’re right, Your Royal Highness. Actually, His and Her Majesty had forced their way to change your problem. All of that were personal orders, not formal one. They wanted to do something about you, before you can’t return anymore. Let’s say, my confession was one of my failed trials to catch your attention,” Ira explained his role, without any denial. “However, I was not entrusted this task as a Moira, Your Highness. This is not related to my responsibility as Moira at all, though, it’s true that I’m one of Moira descendants.”

“Why not? And took a roundabout way to force me out? You can punish us, or order us with anything. It’s more efficient.” Ira cut her speech immediately. “Yes, like that efficient way will heal your broken soul, Your Highness?”

Ira raised his head firmly towards Leo, and said that without any hesitance. “Before that, let me tell you something as a Moira’s, Your Highness, I cannot bring any of Moira’s practices as my ancestors did. Why? I’m the one that did not enter any pledge’s ceremony, yet.”

Little Heart of Princess #22 – Ouranos, a royalty

“Where is His Royal Highness, Grizaj?” asked head attendant to official attendant of Prince Ouranos. Grizaj, a young man with dark skin, looked perplexed with his senior’s query. Actually, Prince Ouranos already gone from castle for weeks without any notification for him, except a small note with message on his pillow, “Please cover for me, I’ll get you some snacks as reward. I’ll gone for a while, okay?” Coincidentally, this strict head attendant got to accompany King and Queen for field works for weeks too before. Therefore, his prince took things for granted leisurely, away from castle for a while too…

“Grizaj, don’t tell me that …” before head attendant had opportunity to finish his statement, Grizaj confessed to him first. “Please, Mister, don’t be mad at me. He was left before I knew anything.” Head attendant seemed displeased with current situation. “Why didn’t you notify my assistant, Grizaj? You’re that afraid with His Royal Highness again?” Grizaj looked down to earth after he listened that sentence. Afraid? No, anyone which had acquaintance with Prince Ouranos won’t just afraid, it’s more to terror. However, he can’t explained that situation to head attendant. Suddenly …

“Mister Varmajn, would you please to let him go? That was my fault to begin with,” a proud and well known child’s voice surrounded that meeting room on attendant’s headquarters. Everyone there were looking at owner’s voice, and bowed as sign of respect to royalty.  When he raised his head, Mister Varmajn spoke out his opinion “Forgive me, Your Highness, but, no matter what, he got his own responsibility to report us, especially when a royalty left castle without any early notification to royal security and of course, His Majesty and Her Majesty were not keen with your way too, Your Highness. They’re waited to meet Your Highness, right now. As his punishment, I will overlook for it, if Your Highness would consider to ease their heart burden, as soon as possible, Your Highness.” Prince Ouranos smiled after he listened to Mister Varmajn and gave some wrapped boxes to him. “Thanks, Uncle. I would appreciate it. Please distribute those things to all attendants. And, Ira sent his regards too.”

Then, he left attendant’s headquarters.

Little Heart of Princess #21 – It’s nothing

Leo felt a bit nervous about her action before. Why did she thought about that silly idea? She was joking with Ouranos… about how she would like to send a letter to Ira and solve their issues… Suddenly, Ouranos looked very delightful with her spontaneous idea, and volunteered himself as sender. One of her major weaknesses, she can’t bear to lose his excited face with her rejection. Now, she’s waited for him. For his reply.

Ira read her letter. Ouranos already left him after he’s fulfilled his satisfaction to look at Ira’s face became horrible due to his teasing. “She’s overthinking about me again,” he mumbled by himself.

Leo ate by herself. Innkeeper provided her breakfast for two. “I never order both of this, Mister.” He looked at her and smiled. “Don’t worry young lady, this is your husband request. “What? No.. no.. he is…” Leo cannot finished her words when she heard chair’s creaking.

Ira took his seat in front of Leo and started to eat his portion without any greeting. After they have finished their meals, he grabbed her hand and took her out. She just followed his steps without any complaint too. As they’re reached at a park which has located at south village. Then, they’re seated comfortably, facing each other.

Ira started to speak. “Leo, I’ve read your letter. I knew that you’re still mad at me. Yes, I’m a Moira, but our current circumstance has nothing to do with my position. I can admit that some Moiras loved to toy with royalties…” Leo cut his words, “Actually, I knew it.” Ira seemed disbelief. “But, how about that letter? You are exaggerating,” he asked her. “I wrote that letter, to satisfy my brother’s desire. He won’t leaving at all if he saw us without issues and looked peaceful. I knew him because he’s been with me since a long time.”

Ira became …. speechless.